Fuck It

Hit me hard. Someone, Please hit me hard enough to a concussion and make me lose all my memories and let me hit the restart button. Please.

I love you. Why cant you see it? I thought we can be couples once again. Are you so damn numb till you dunno what is love and cant see the person standing in front of you loves you much more than anything? Fuck it! No ones really know who I'm and what I needs and I dont Fucking care anymore. If your last break up made you believe and think what you are think, Then I shall SAY You Are Not You. You are Someone else trying to fit in to be someone you are not just to please your EX! WAKE UP! Please be back yourself. I cant bear it to see you like this.

Well, It's your choice. If you wish to stay single, with all respect I'll respect that decision and wish you good luck for whatever reasons it is. I was just lying towards myself that I'll have a chance. But since you deceided to be Miss Independent, well I'm seriously happy with it. Even the pain kills to the bone and even the best analgelsics cant stop the heartsore, it'll be my plesure to wish you good luck and it's my fault to fall in love for you.

Love is never in the movies and the romance you read and watch. Finding virtue values in someone you love is the most important. If he or she is willing to let go of you when you made a matured decision I call that love. Yet if he/she just walk out of your life. I'll be calling him a Retard. I used to walked out someones life once and thinking back about it makes me feel like a fucking idiot.

You may think I'm not a guy who will be stagant at a point and think I'm a guy whom will go after another relationship after a failed one. You're wrong. You're totally wrong. I'm sacrificing my feelings and my tears for someone whom I loved and then walked on with life. Deep down, my hearth is just flesh and muscles which is fragile. Do you know the feeling when you love someone deeply and not knowing what the ending is? Do you know the feeling when you are ALONE without someone to listen to you and understand you? Do you know the feeling when you're trying to make up a past screw up by being a better person? Do you understand the loneliness when you have nobody around you? Do you know what it is like when everyone thinks who you are but you are not who they think is?


I'm trying to be a better man for you. I want to cover up those mistakes by making it up now with all i got. However I cant. I'm myself when I with you. No judgement and go along like a 18 year old. I cant really be with myself when I'm with someone else. I guess i shall just screw up everything and hurt everyone again as if I dont fucking care anymore. Hurt everyone and take what I want. But, I cant! I cant do it! My inner me just cant do it. As if two different personallities are fighting for each believes and desires.

Call me a Chicken, call me Player, call me a Cassanova, Call me an ASSHOLE.
What ever you call me. I'm not who you think of. I regain my pace, I regain my strength and I regain my confidence and also I move on is not because I DO NOT LOVE YOU anymore! IF you ask whether whom I love most with my past girlfriends, I CAN SAY I LOVE THEM ALL. With all My Heart! You ask Why did I move on then? I was so hurt for LOSING my beloved my dear Lover whom I love more than words can DESCRIBE and I was ALONE. Just Imagine, a boat in the ocean. The ocean is vast and wide, yet a boat will never be stagnant and motionless. Does it make any sense? Even the little water waves and water ripples will bring the boat around the ocean as time goes by. To your opinion, from your thinking, Everything is OK and everything goes fine with me because I'll just go on.. But Fuck it! IT is not like this! Do you think I'm heartless and emotionless? I'm Human, I'm a Homo Sapiens. I'm having a same heart, same blood, same skin, same organs. I also have Feelings and Emotions!

If you wish to let me go, I'll go forever and never ever turn back.
I hope that is not your choice. I just hope things can be better so I can cheerish what ever I have together with you.

I really hope someone hit me hard enough to erase all my memories of you, myself, who I am, everthing I had and everything i Know in this 18 years so i can restart from square 1.
I hope things between us can still continue again.

P/S *Final Edit* This story and post wont continue anymore